Samaritans and Neighbors???

7^th and 8^th grade Literature assignment: Write a paraphrase of the Good Samaritan story. Like Jesus’ original parable, try to deconstruct some of our cookie-cutter assumptions, prejudices, or cultural categories that are forced on people or people groups.

With my student's permission I have chosen to present to you a few of the best.

A man once asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus answered, “Can I tell you a story?”

There once was a man who loved to gamble. In fact, he won every game, but there was one thing he did in order to win. He cheated! When the players found out that he was cheating, they beat him up and threw him out of the casino, hoping that he would die.

After some time the mayor of the town came by. Seeing the beat up man along the side of the street, he passed by on the other side. He did not want to be seen by the people in the town, helping a straggler.

About ten minutes later a mail man drove by on his way to deliver some late mail. Seeing the guy on the side of the road made him cringe, so he called 911 and drove on by.

After a short time President Obama came driving by in his big shiny escalade, headed for a meeting in Las Vegas. He looked out the window just in time to see the old man. After telling the driver to stop he went over to check on the man. With President Obama and the driver’s help, they managed to get him into the car. After all that was over, they took him to a hospital, where he was carefully bandaged. The President was late for his meeting, but now he knew for sure that the man was in good hands.

After that Jesus said, “Which man was the neighbor?” The man said, “The President.” Then Jesus said, “go and do thou likewise.” -Austin

Once upon a time a lawyer asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus answered him with a story.

Once there was an atheist. He was a bitter man. His wife had died of cancer, so he had cursed God. Then one day he got into a fight with a gang. They started slashing him with their knives. He got a deep cut on his arm, and his hands were bleeding. The leader pulled out a pistol hidden under his shirt and was going to shoot the atheist, but the other gang members protested to killing him. They left, leaving him on the sidewalk beside the street to bleed to death.

Five minutes passed. Then an Eastern Orthodox Jewish Priest came by. He didn’t want to make his new robe bloody. He had paid $1063.54 for his golden robe. After all, a priest has to “stay clean.” The man is an atheist and deserves what he got,” He told himself. He caught a taxi and tried to forget the scene.

Then a young doctor stopped by the bloody man. He had just got out of college, hoping to become rich. He had a First Aid kit with him. He stilled his conscience by saying to himself that he didn’t have enough skill to bandage the atheist's bad wounds. He called the hospital so they could bring an ambulance. Then he hurried off down the street.

An hour went by. The atheist was slowly bleeding to death. A Muslim came driving down the street. He saw the bleeding atheist and knew that he needed help immediately. He also knew that the atheist was a supposedly hated infidel. Nevertheless, he went against his own religion and loaded the man into his old Toyota Camry. He drove to the hospital and let them take care of him. Although he was poor, he promised to pay for the medical expenses.

“Which of these men was a neighbor,” asked Jesus. “The Muslim,” replied the lawyer. “Right,” said Jesus. “Go and do likewise.” -Jonathan

A man once asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus said, “Let me tell you a story.”

Once upon a time there was very poor man. He was about 22 years old. He lived on the streets of Paris, sleeping each night near the subway vents in an attempt to harvest at least a little warmth. His parents were killed by a drug lord and the most terrible gang in town.

This young man whose name was Bill was sitting on a bench in the town's “middle class” area. A French governor was coming up the sidewalk. He was a very respected man in town. When he saw Bill he stopped crossed the street and kept going.

Later, while Bill was sitting beside a Catholic Church, the Pope came walking up the street with a crowd following him. He saw Bill and then turned his head and walked past.

That night as Bill was trying to sleep near a subway vent. He couldn’t sleep because of the hunger pangs in his stomach. Suddenly a very creepy looking man came walking past. Just like that, Bill knew who it was. It was the drug dealer. When the drug dealer saw him he suddenly felt compassion. He never felt that way before, but he decided there must be a first time for everything. He felt in his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills tossing them to Bill. He told Bill to find some warmer clothes and get something to eat. Later he helped Bill find a job, and they decided to both turn over a new leaf.

Jesus said, “witch one was the man’s neighbor?” “The drug dealer,” said the man.

-Matthew

One time a man asked Jesus, “Who really is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “I want to tell you a story.”

The narrow street was empty. Lush green trees bordered one side and an unkept trailer court extended along the other side. No one was around except for one man. He was lying in front of one of the junkiest trailers. Chairs, boxes, and all kinds of odds and ends surrounded him. The old man had been rooting round in the mess, trying to find something. He had slipped and hit his head on a hard object, knocking him unconscious.

The pastor frowned and jumped across a muddy puddle of water. He was not in favor of walking this dirty, God-forsaken alley to reach his church. He was late, and would miss the music at the start of church. Taking this detour was maddening. Now he saw the old man lying in front of the trailer. He shuddered. He knew he should probably see what the problem was, but he was late for church. He turned his head away and passed by.

The Catholic priest held his black robe up as he carefully avoided the puddles in the street. Out of the corner of he eye saw an old man lying still in front of a dumpy trailer. He did not want to get dirty trying to help the man out, so he hurriedly asked the Holy Mother Mary to watch over the man. He continued on his way to see how the people in his parish were faring.

Along came another man. He was not the kind of person that was a caring one. He occasionally got into drugs, and he always looked bedraggled. When he saw the old man, he immediately went to check on him and then called 911. The old man was taken to the hospital, and a part of his bill was paid by his rescuer.

“Who do you think was the old man’s neighbor?” questioned Jesus. “The last one,” replied the man. Go and do the same,” Jesus finished. -Christianne

Two Things

First Thing:
I joined Laudate Mennonite Ensemble this past summer for a week of making music. Our recording, "Wondrous Love" just came out recently. Check it out here:

Second thing:
A new documentary on our food was just released in November. This documentary called "Food, Inc" is brought to you by Robert Kenner and it will send you to the refrigerator to inspect the labels on your food.

I always take such documentaries with a hefty grain of salt, but if you're American you should probably watch it sometime.

Bonus Thing:
I'm loving Chor Leoni's latest album "Meetin Here Tonight" just released on November 25. Two other great Chor Leoni albums are "Going Home" and "Healing Voices."

A god Named "Resource" and Josh Groban

"Interested in starting a Christian school, but you don't know where to begin? Don't worry! Alpha Omega Publications can help. Because we believe in Christian education, AOP created School in a Box to make starting your Christian school simple, easy, and affordable."


Oh God....HELP us?

And I should add....this is called a "resource."

No, I didn't make that up...I only enlarged the "school in a box" after I pulled it straight off Alpha Omega Publications web sight. It might sound like "To Asia With Love," but its not...get your head out of the sand....there is a reason it only takes our schools a mere 5 years to efficiently turn 1st grade learner excitement into hate mail.

I hate to break it to you, but that teacher with the huge character that your school needs won't even come close to fitting in a box. Maybe I just need to think biggger...real big...like a DUZA BOX!!!

Meanwhile...back at the ranch we are on to more positive things, if you like Josh Groban that is. Josh Groban, who I've always deemed overrated is no longer overrated. After hearing him duet on "In the Arms of the Angel," I give it up....he's good...great range.

Customer Satisfaction vs. Customer Sent Packing

I’m sure you’ve heard someone say it before…. “I feel like I’m just not being fed.”

You say, “Let me guess…you’re talking about church.” No…actually I’m talking about American consumerism IN the church. Since when has the Church of Jesus Christ come to be dictated by consumer tendencies?

Oh that’s right…my bad…Jesus did give us a boat load of parables emphasizing customer satisfaction with the church.

As a gluttonous yet peace loving consumer myself, I do have to present both sides of the story in defense of consumer tendencies. The church has not always responded well to this new found pious consumerism. If the Church is sincere in its attempts at fixing the problem, I don’t understand the “if the customer isn’t satisfied with the menu then they should eat at home” approach. My head spins! “Self feeding” is a ridiculously lame excuse for consumerist christians and churches.

These two categories/approaches don’t seem adequate. How could we think about this tension differently? What category (s) are we missing?

"HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY MARSHMALLOW!"

Image via Wikipedia

Its been a while since I sang at a mall…in fact a whole year! Mennonites invade malls all over America at this time of the year, myself being one of them…just this evening. In this light I have a few thoughts to share with the cosmic intelligence out there, wherever it lies. And if you think you are part of this cosmic intelligence, I’m sorry, but I don’t even classify two legged mammalians in this Phylum. No….two legged homo sapiens are pure marshmallow eaters classifying them as Hemoglobic, Rastafarian, Dinoflagellate, Saprophytes. (And no…I didn’t look those up in a dictionary…I proudly dug them out of my own head)

So if your youth group is planning to go sing at the local mall I suggest that you leave your trusty Christmas Carols at home and take several large bags of jumbo marshmallows instead. You could even write scripture verses on the marshmallows before you hand them out. “Have a HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS”…oh and Have a marshmallow…and furthermore, God loves you!”

Folks lets face it….the days of people strolling through the mall with their family and stopping to hear some live carols as they stroll by is nothing but a delicate and ethereal mirage of the past.

First of all, it’s a sedentary fact that families don’t go to the mall together anymore. Now that most 10 year olds have their own cell phone, they can call around and make arrangements to have themselves and their friends magically appear at the mall on any given night. And IF families DO go to the mall…the parents are so busy counting to five for their screaming child that I can never remember if they were going to kill the child or leave him at Sears if they ever made it to five...to be sure they’ll just stick with Santa coming down the chimney instead of going to the mall to see him next year.

No…we would rather have marshmallows...instant gratification…one marshmallow and it feels like you’ve eaten ten. A knot of teens come by and hears you singing…“Silent Night?” You got to be kidding…that sounds scary…noise…loud noise feels safer.

So you just might find me at the local mall with my stove pipe hat, over coat, and cane. I’ll be clicking my heels together, singing, “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” and handing out marshmallows. When people ask why I’m handing out marshmallows, I’ll tell them we’re roasting marshmallows over the open fire this year instead of chestnuts. Hey…they’re cheaper, roast faster, fill you fuller, no shell to crack, and everybody wants’em. We’ve got God in a box…it’s the hap-happiest season of AAALLLL! I hope God shreds your box, and have a happy new year, all for just $49.99!

Science Project: Drivers start your engines...

Welcome to the Indiantrappolis 500 folks! Here you will find that we have replaced our thunderous Monte Carlos with finesse mouse trap powered vehicles of the most intricate design. As a Jr High teacher I recently hosted a competition among the students involving mouse trap powered vehicles. The students worked in teams competing to send a mouse trap powered vehicle the greatest distance. To add spice and flamboyancy to the competition, I chose to allow a certain level of cheating...I allowed the teams to harness elasticity power as long as the power remained sourced in the mouse trap.


Behold the winner! This fine piece of work was smashing into the end of our longest hallway at a pretty dangerous clip.


















Not to be scoffed at, much of the competition had their own qualities to boast of, as each of their teams would be quick to tell you.

Good Luck Sendout

Krriptonite sends out best wishes and good luck to all his wonderful Pennsylvania readers who hunt.

Just a reminder that aside from the approximate 750,000 hunters in the woods tomorrow, we really don't need as many stray bullets zinging around our beautiful woodlands. Be sure of your target, and don't tell me at the end of the day that you saw me in your scope:)

Star of Conservative Romance Production Returns

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

Not one to spend much time blogging about or even concerning myself with celebrities I bumped into a recent headline of interest.

Mennonites have traditionally given those dirty romance novels the cold shoulder; however, there have been a few pristine little romance productions that have somehow managed to invade Mennonite circles. One of the prime invaders has been the "Sound of Music" a romantic musical starring Julie Andrews.

With her beautiful voice Julie Andrews became the face of the musical set in wartime Germany. Julie Andrews has rarely sung for many years since her soprano voice was impaired by surgery. She once described her impaired voice as "a wonderful, deep, bass voice of about five notes and that's about it".

Now at 74 years old, Julie Andrews plans to reappear on the UK stage for the first time in 30 years.

"For fifteen years I have been intently studying earthly life. It is true I have not seen the earth nor men, but in your books I have drunk fragrant wine, I have sung songs, I have hunted stags and wild boars in the forests, have loved women. . . . Beauties as ethereal as clouds, created by the magic of your poets and geniuses, have visited me at night, and have whispered in my ears wonderful tales that have set my brain in a whirl. In your books I have climbed to the peaks of Elburz and Mont Blanc, and from there I have seen the sun rise and have watched it at evening flood the sky, the ocean, and the mountain-tops with gold and crimson. I have watched from there the lightning flashing over my head and cleaving the storm-clouds. I have seen green forests, fields, rivers, lakes, towns. I have heard the singing of the sirens, and the strains of the shepherds' pipes; I have touched the wings of comely devils who flew down to converse with me of God. . . . In your books I have flung myself into the bottomless pit, performed miracles, slain, burned towns, preached new religions, conquered whole kingdoms. . . .

"Your books have given me wisdom. All that the unresting thought of man has created in the ages is compressed into a small compass in my brain. I know that I am wiser than all of you.

"And I despise your books, I despise wisdom and the blessings of this world. It is all worthless, fleeting, illusory, and deceptive, like a mirage. You may be proud, wise, and fine, but death will wipe you off the face of the earth as though you were no more than mice burrowing under the floor, and your posterity, your history, your immortal geniuses will burn or freeze together with the earthly globe.

"You have lost your reason and taken the wrong path. You have taken lies for truth, and hideousness for beauty. You would marvel if, owing to strange events of some sorts, frogs and lizards suddenly grew on apple and orange trees instead of fruit, or if roses began to smell like a sweating horse; so I marvel at you who exchange heaven for earth. I don't want to understand you.

from "The Bet" by Anton Chekhov

Thank-you JESUS!

Well...its that time of year when doctors will be busy unplugging throats and people will be reminded to thank God for all the bounty in their lives that they have come to depend so heavily on. "Thank you God that I don't live in the Middle East and that I'm not starving like the Africans and...oh...would you please hand me my bottle of gently warmed milk before I go to bed?"

An optional assignment was given by a teacher in chapel the other day. I decided to join the students and have a go at it myself. We are compiling a massive list of thanks. I decided to submit a list of 25 that is fairly specific but certainly not composed in order of importance.

Things I am Grateful For:

1. A kind and encouraging note yesterday

2. Shirts that don’t get wrinkly (I think they have Teflon in them or something)

3. Coffee shops that don’t play loud music

4. Socks that don’t have holes in them (I hate holes in socks)

5. Friends that can be cynical with me.

6. Friends that refuse to let me become an eternal cynic.

7. Cheap rent

8. Country air

9. Family ( this one is huge and its so sacred that I cant even say much about it)

10. Libraries with soft carpet (I hate libraries with cold tile floors)

11. Drinking water that doesn’t have chlorine in it (If your not sure what chlorinated water is, go drink some Pepto-Bismol)

12. Department store cashiers that don’t look and act like they haven’t slept in 48 hrs

13. Weather that’s cold enough for hot drinks

14. Having supper with my Grandparents every Wednesday night. (Especially my Grandma’s killer breakfast meals)

15. Live music (Recorded music just doesn’t do it for me)

16. Passionate Jesus followers

17. My mom’s special hot drink mix known to its true blue drinkers as “three in one”

18. Showers that don’t change temperatures or volume of output.

19. People that can see past all my garbage and blow on the small ember of good that lays in there somewhere.

20. The opportunity to help build God’s Kingdom

21. “Indulgent Trail Mix” (It can be bought most economically at our dear Wal-Mart according to my knowledge)

22. Unscheduled days (I’m just saying….if I had one I WOULD be grateful for it)

23. People that don’t care about money (they’re really cool)

24. thank! God i dont haf too teach grammar? (Especially sentence diagramming)

25. That God doesn’t change His mind about all of us (He would have plenty of ground to stand on if he decided to scrap all of us and start over)

Who Takes the Way of Christ Seriously?

“During the 1960’s and 70’s there was an antiwar slogan that asked, “what if they gave a war and nobody came?” The point was, what if there was a declaration of war and all the people refused to participate? What if there were abortion clinics but nobody went in? What if abortion was a legal choice, but it was a choice nobody took? Changes in the law, blocking abortion clinics, and demeaning name-calling will not stop abortions. The history of the church through the ages has been the history of changes brought about in society through the church demonstrating and living an alternative vision of life. We need to stop telling our non-believing neighbors how wrong their way of life is, and we need to start showing the power of the gospel in the way we live…Let me ask you: which has greater power? Then thousand people who fill the streets in front of abortion clinics and shame those seeking abortions, or ten thousand people in California who take to the state capital a petition they have signed stating they will take any unwanted child of any age, any color, any physical condition so that they can love that child in the name of Jesus Christ?”

This is an excerpt taken from an unpublished sermon preached by Bill Tibert at Covenant Presbyterian Church, Colorado Springs.

Trains, anyone?

I would like to throw a question out to the cosmos that is probably outdated and good for nothing but to be cast out and trodden under the foot of man.

Image via Wikipedia

Whatever happened to trains anyway?

This question was brought to the forefront on the packed highways this past weekend when I was doing some traveling. Getting hopelessly caught up in the hemoglobic masses of tractor and trailers, I felt my frustration thicken to the consistancey of molasses. Creeping along behind the great fossil fuel gluttons, I tried to think of alpine slides or Mayan ziggurats, but even such oddities as those could not stem my frustration. My frustration finally peaked with the aformentioned question, "whatever happened to trains anyway?"

The Phillies are Back!!!

I can only call things the way I see em, and I'm callin the phillies in 6.

Somehow the last time I really felt much philly passion was years ago when I was about 13 or 14 years old. Never mind the fact that the Phillies were considered the losingest team in all of sports at that time. I'm trying to drum up some old philly passion tonight just for old time's sake. Phillies at Yankee's...rah rah ray!

Hey....as the fellow that wrote the prayer below points out....what can you say when God's on your side:)

Image via Wikipedia

"Heavenly Father,
Help our brothers on the Phillies, the entire team, but especially the ones who profess to know You before an unbelieving world, like Ryan Howard, Shane Victorino and Brad Lidge. Help these brothers show the Yanks who their Daddy really is.
Smite the Yankees through Your Servants Lord,
Amen"

Just another one in the long line of the smitings of God...and we DO have to admit that the Yankees have become arrogant considering they've won over 40 pennants. I think conservative theology can identify with the author of the aforementioned prayer.

PA Monster Bucks IV

I'll get the confession out before I even begin. I absolutely love bowhunting!

Now anybody worth their salt knows that we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of bow season right now, and I'm itching to get into the woods every chance I get. I thought my family had pretty good PA success last year.....



....but wow....I didn't know that these grew in Pennsylvania???? This buck was recently taken in Jefferson County with a crossbow.
Oh....what people will do for bragging rights these days. There is already controversy swirling around this buck. Really...is Godzilla legit?

Here is a link for you bow hunters who want to check up on the story.

Christianity continually loses the Christian emphasis on discipleship and replaces it with an emphasis on religious ritual. "Church" rather than connoting the New Testament concept as a community of disciples living as the "body of Christ," begins to connote a hierarchy that protects "orthodoxy." - Lee Camp

The Cross is not Enough

I was recently asked to write a short article for a low key weekly publication. As a result of the assignment, I found myself perusing some of the writing I did in my days as a student. I stumbled upon a short graduation speech that I gave several years ago. While I'm no longer the same person that wrote that graduation speech, I decided to use the speech as a spring board for the assigned article.


In Elie Wiesel’s book “Night” his account of his experiences in the concentration camps, he describes the death by hanging of a young boy.
The SS seemed more disturbed than usual. To hang a young boy in front of thousands of spectators was no light matter. The head of the camp read the verdict. All eyes were on the child. He was lividly pale, biting his lips. The gallows threw its shadow over him.
“The three victims mounted onto the chairs. The three necks were placed within the nooses. Long live liberty! Cried the two adults. But the child was silent. At a sign from the head of the camp, the three chairs tipped over.
Where is God? Where is He?’ someone behind me asked.
Then the march past began. The two adults were no longer alive. Their tongues hung swollen, blue-tinged. But the third rope was still moving: being so light, the child was still alive….for more than half an hour he stayed there struggling between life and death. And we had to look him full in the face. When I passed in front of him, his tongue was still red, his eyes were not yet glazed.
Behind me I heard the same man asking, Where is God now?
And I heard a voice within me answer him: Where is God? Here He is….He is hanging here, on this gallows….
For many of us, Christ is still hanging on those gallows. Folks, we are fallen, sinful people. Christ came to save us through His death on the cross…. But Christ’s death on the cross IS NOT ENOUGH! …….. If Christ is not alive and working on the face of the earth today, we are HOPEFULLY living in vain. If the body of Christ is not alive and moving on the face of the earth, this class has just wasted two precious years of “life.”
This is what Christian education is all about…..This is what the last two years of World History, Principles of Science, World Literature, Foundations of Education, Choir, Systematic Theology, and Old Testament Survey have been all about. Education is about becoming…….becoming the Body of Christ.
I want to call us independent, individual, freedom valuing, Americans back to the Body of Christ. Yes, the church is not perfect….but we were once given perfection and we murdered Him.
We can no longer demand perfection; our hope now lies in the living body of Christ, the church, composed of imperfect people.
Many have criticized the church heavily, including myself, and we say that is what education produces. I want to say, “we MUST critique the church, but only in the context of commitment. The church must be critiqued from the inside; criticisms outside of commitment are nothing but prideful scorn and mockery. We need people who are able to continually evaluate how well we are representing the Body of Christ on earth!
So….I call us back to valuing the church…..I call us back to becoming the Body of Christ, alive and powerful on the face of the earth…. I call us back from the dead to LIVING!

"Humility consists of being precisely the person you actually are before God." - from Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

Has Gnosticism Influenced Your Theology?

I hear a great amount of discussion these days among Christians concerning the idea of a "schizophrenic God." I am speaking of the rift between what some call the “God of the Old Testament” and the “God of the New Testament.” Admittedly the God of the OT, who seems to have used the sword and violence to accomplish His purposes, appears to contradict the God of the NT, who asks us to accomplish His purposes in the power of Love only. For most, this rift is simply one more of those rifts that scripture presents that merely needs to be thought through logically and explained. I frankly tire of the many attempts to make this so called schizophrenic God somehow work. I must admit, with all the humility that I can muster, that I have no idea what to make of this tension, and I spend little time trying to make anything of it. Thankfully God is much greater than I, and I don’t need to clarify this tension in order to follow Jesus. I was recently made aware of an old Gnostic perspective. I would like to share this perspective not as an explanation, but as a warning. How much has your theology been shaped by Gnosticism?

In this Gnostic perspective there was a great and ultimate God of Love. There were many lesser gods under this Great God of Love. At first, all of these lesser gods were good and in close communion with the Great God of Love; however, over a very long period of time, things degenerated as they usually do. Some of these lesser gods became worse and worse… less and less like the Great God of Love. There came to be a layering of power, with perfect Love as the ultimate power. The gods that had the most love in them were the most powerful. The gods that had degenerated the most, had little love in them and were answerable to the more powerful and more loving gods.

Finally, one of the lesser gods that still had quite a bit of power, took all of the gods under him and forced them into a physical creation. This God was Jehovah God of the Old Testament. Of course, this physical creation had some good in it still, but it clearly had much bad in it. It continued to degenerate even farther until it seemed that Love would disappear altogether.

Thankfully the Great God of Love saw what Jehovah did. He realized that things had degenerated so far that He would have to fix them Himself. The great God of Love came Himself, as Jesus, to re-establish Love as the ultimate power of the universe. This re-establishment of love promised a day when Jehovah’s physical creation would be destroyed and the Great God of Love would reign over a Kingdom that would know nothing but Love .

Note: You can obviously see why the Gnostic saw the physical as evil. The only thing the Gnostic weren’t quite sure about, was the fact that the Great God of Love came in a physical form to save the whole situation.

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself?

Oooooooooh...........its that time of year again...my favorite! My breath hung in the air this morning. I put a jacket on every time I went outside today. I simply love letting that cool crystalline air seep in through all my pores and making sure I kick every lonely leaf I pass.

After being cooped up inside most of the day and working on school work until dark, I parted my curtains and looked outside. The moon was bright and the air looked crisp and clean as ever. Furthermore my landlord just mowed his hayfield today so....all things considered....the conditions were perfect for a stroll. I decided that I would go out and sit in the freshly mowed hayfield and call an old friend.

I happily grabbed a sweat shirt, made a steaming cup of cappuccino, and stepped outside my front door, with great anticipation. The overpowering scent filled my nostrils. It hung like a heavy fog. I could even taste what I smelled. THE NEIGHBORING FARMER HAD JUST SPREAD A MOUNTAIN OF SOUPY CHICKEN MANURE ON THE FIELD! (I don't know if it was really soupy...but it tasted soupy)

I poured my cappuccino out on the ground and went back inside.

The Gospel in a Nutshell

I have been writing a short story recently with high hopes of getting it published in a Sunday School book of great renown. Hence the story is written in a specific dialect, capitalizing on creative modern phrasing, in order to accomplish the pre-stated goal. It must be understood that the story was not produced for the specific purpose of this blog, but for an undisclosed purpose much greater than the scope of Krriptonite. Alas, Krriptonite merely functions as a platform to get this modern masterpiece into the public eye, and above all into the eye of those Sunday School publishers.

The Gospel in a N

Image by randihausken via Flickr

utshell,

It all began on an old farm lane that meandered its way across some overgrown pasture land and into the Appalachian foothills. No one quite knows for certain when the old lane was blazed, though almost everyone agrees that someone from the ol’ “Golden Oak” homestead organized the rocks and undergrowth into a path at some point. While most agree on who made the path, few agree on when the path was made. The Appalachian folk have been feuding on this topic for generations. The feud has often escalated to killing and that type of thing. The author is unsure of the importance of these details to the rest of the story. He shares them anyway and trusts that they will be up building and encouraging.

Let us get down to the real story. One fine day Godfrey found himself wondering down the previously mentioned lane. Not watching where he was going, Godfrey stumbled upon the largest most greenest acorn he had ever seen. “Oh my STARS that’s a big acorn,” said Godfrey to himself. Though Godfrey had never known it, he had always wanted such an acorn. In fact, though he had never known it, he realized for the first time that he had always NEEDED a big acorn. To this day the Appalachian folk tell their children at an early age that they need an acorn.

Snatching up the acorn, Godfrey continued his stroll. Before long, a large, grey squirrel bounded across the lane. Now Godfrey’s mother had always told him not to be selfish, especially with things that everybody else needed like food, water, and air to breath. With these thoughts in mind, Godfrey knelt and held out the acorn. Godfrey was utterly shocked when the squirrel merely glanced at him and bounded off on his merry way into the woods. “Well, my lands…what a dumb squirrel,” thought Godfrey to himself. “He’s too dumb to even know how much he needs this acorn!” Didn’t the squirrel know that winter was coming? Godfrey took comfort in the fact that if the squirrel knew how good the acorn really was and how much he really needed the acorn, he would certainly come get it from him. Oh, if the squirrel only knew!

(to be continued)

Day of Peace

Just a late reminder that today is the world wide day of peace. Go check up on the history of the day, but most of all I ask you.....do you believe in a day of peace, and are you doing anything to make that day a reality???

Malignant Authority Warp (MAW)

bloop....blooop....SPLASH!!!...Thats the sound of Krriptonite finally coming up for air. The last several weeks have been incredibly busy for me, basically turning into a war of priorities. They tell me that a teacher's ultimate call is to convert his students, so that should certainly rank pretty high on the priority list....as I read my BIBLE, higher than blogging:) Note: Krriptonite remains unbiased and neutral on what they tell him.

After a refreshing weekend with my wonderful youth group, which I will most certainly glorify in this post, I have been made aware of a deadly disease whose symptoms may be difficult to spot. I have diagnosed myself with Malignant Authority Warp (MAW). Though it is entirely possible for this disease to progress all the way to the Rubicon, I yet have high hopes for a speedy recovery. This disease is most certainly contagious and will affect ones eyesight quickly following initial contact.

You may ask how I have come down with such a disease. Allow me to explain in very non-medical terms. Pastors, preachers, and teachers (and the sons and daughters of these positions I may add) are especially susceptible to MAW. It is entirely possible to find yourself in positions of authority over and over again....especially if you are one of those who believe that your view point is authoritative even if others would be as base as to disagree with it. As a teacher, I find myself in this position up to 100% of the time. As a Christian, I also find myself in this position up to 100% of the time.

Why is this disease harmful? If one does not accept treatment for the disease the patient may lose all peripheral vision, developing a severe case of tunnel vision. It is entirely possible for a MAW carrier's perspective on reality to be limited to an authoritarian perspective. Through this lens, all of reality can only be seen as something that needs managed, controlled, taught, caressed, or spanked. May I suggest that this is too Godly for two legged homo-sapiens? As an interesting side note, the tower of Babel was built by MAW carriers.

It was absolutely refreshing to simply be one of the youth this weekend. I didn't need to worry about classroom "MANAGEMENT," "CONTROLLING" some steamy 8th grade attitude, "CARESSING" a stifled ego for giving the answer I wanted, or "TEACHING" the world that they're wrong. For once I wasn't looking down on reality from my warped perch of authority. Rather, I felt like I was part of reality again, and it was a healing balm to watch from that perspective again. God....heal me of Malignant Authority Warp!!!!

Gospel Music

I've always been suspicious of much of our gospel music, wondering if there wasn't some telling inherent quality present that could be traced into other genres of music. Why does a diet of gospel music makes me feel like I've just eaten two large bags of jumbo marshmallows? While saying things right, or singing things right I should say, is not all that matters, I have wondered about the methodology found in gospel music. Is "gospel music" really an accurate term for these hymns...or is it simply another juicy conservative term that allows us to work a methodology that really belongs to another genre, even world, into our pristine little hymnbooks?

I don't have answers to these questions, but I have launched out on a personal study, hoping to put to rest my own suspicions. I thought I would share some interesting results of my current study.


If I'm the only one that finds this hilarious...please dont harbor any hard feelings against me. I appreciate the hearts of these people, but honestly...my skin feels like chicken skin after listening to this. Whatever you do....don't watch the drummers face:)


Oh...and pardon me, but....when has country and gospel music lain in the same bed? Hopefully you know who Alan Jackson is...or this wont make any sense to you.


And this beats all...I would suggest not even watching this whole clip...if you see the first 20 seconds you've seen it all....just go trust in Jesus...its a pretty sweet thing to do. I gotta tell ya though...that lady SCARES me!


Carefully read this disclaimer! I DO ENJOY GOSPEL MUSIC IN THE RIGHT PLACE, CONTEXT, AND TIME. I'M OFTEN GAME FOR A ROUSING TUNE OR TWO.

AMERICA....where are you?

A survey of industrialized nations by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development revealed that Japanese and Koreans sleep the least, while the French spend the most time at both sleeping and eating. [Reuters, 5-4-09]

I would like to point out a well placed word in the above article. Notice the word "time." While Americans spend far less "TIME" eating, the French have sadly fallen light years behind "The Land of the Obese" in the overall intake ratings. Its basically a very old principal put into writing well before the time of our Lord. The basic translation from the original cuneiform tablet found near the presumed site of Babel translates "faster is more."

Meanwhile, unprecedented internet and Television access rolled in a sweet concoction of Caribbean wine batter, has been the guardian angel keeping America from landing the despicable sleep award.

Should have used a track....

Found this on another blog recently and was intrigued.

The Institution #2

In my last post concerning the institution(over a month ago) I basically made the point that postmodernity inherently questions the institution. In short, those from the postmodern generation must be careful not to make a grave decision by making no decision at all. I would hate for the post modern generation to suddenly come to their senses and realize that they had, outside of their own consciousness, dismantled the institution in an unhealthy fashion.

With this in mind, we are aware that the postmodern generation has not simply made a villainous choice to attack the institution. While the institution has possibly felt threatened by a postmodern world for some time, I believe the postmodern world is only now waking up to the fact that its simple existence stands over against institutional methodology. Why? (to be continued)

The Lowest Common Denominator of Biblical Teaching

The Possibilities are endless........gender specific prayer seat maybe?????

Come to the Marriage Supper

While I live in a dirth of information on marriage and lack experiential knowledge of the subject, another cohort of mine (Ryan Edward Shafer) has taken his seat at the marriage supper. With this disclaimer in mind, I do have some thoughts on the subject and seek to drop a post on you concerning the celebrated feast.

I have been doing some study on community and a new realization suddenly dawned on me. To live in community is to bear witness to a future reality...the reality of the Kingdom of God. When people live beside each other, unselfishly, in the unity of loving relationships, where they truly love their neighbor as themselves....we have a picture of the coming Kingdom of Peace that Jesus promised.

Living in this way, in community, is possibly the best voice that the people of God have to the world. When we successfully live in loving community we say to a violent world (that still believes in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth), "the promise of a coming Kingdom of love and peace is not pie in the sky idealism....it is real!" Real bodies can give you a glimpse, right now, of what is coming.

We must ask ourselves, "Are we bearing witness to the future reality of the Kingdom?" If we are unable to demonstrate unselfish community living...if we cannot get along with our brother....if we cannot love our enemy...WE DO NOT BEAR WITNESS TO THE COMING KINGDOM!!!! In fact, when we, as God's people, demonstrate that we cannot live in loving community, we make Jesus a liar.

What does this have to do with marriage? In the Bible, this "coming Kingdom," is most often described as a marriage supper, with Christ coming for His bride. Most of us understand something about the spirit of wedding celebrations. I was reminded of this spirit at Ryan and Rene's wedding. The spirit at most of the weddings that I have attended has been love, servant hood, caring, unselfishness, happiness, celebration, and peace. True community living must consist of the very same attitudes and spirit.

I have come to the conclusion that weddings bear witness to the future reality of the coming kingdom. But is that the best we can do? Is that all we are capable of.....living out of the spirit of servant hood and love at weddings only?

Folks, when you live in community today, tomorrow, and again the next day....when you ask what you can give to the church rather than asking what the church can give to you...when you serve your brother or sister....when you live out of the spirit of love and servant hood....you are entering into the greatest marriage celebration. This is a GREAT marriage! Who are you to bring your selfishness, envy, hate, and anger to this wedding??? The groom doesn't want them...He wants you're love! If you would have come to Ryan and Rene's wedding thinking only of yourself, angry, shouting, and screaming words of hate...I myself would have been happy to show you the door. How much worse is it then to enter the greatest wedding of all with such a selfish spirit?

So I ask us to come to the marriage supper. I plead for community living. I pray for witnesses to the future reality of the coming Kingdom!



Here are a few pictures from my travels in Maine.






























Cadillac Mountain: The first US soil to be kissed by the suns rays every morning.





















Seriously, it gets real windy here on Mount Washington...they chain their buildings down. Record wind measurements here have reached 231 mph....hold me back!
















A beginning at community:)