"HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY MARSHMALLOW!"

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Its been a while since I sang at a mall…in fact a whole year! Mennonites invade malls all over America at this time of the year, myself being one of them…just this evening. In this light I have a few thoughts to share with the cosmic intelligence out there, wherever it lies. And if you think you are part of this cosmic intelligence, I’m sorry, but I don’t even classify two legged mammalians in this Phylum. No….two legged homo sapiens are pure marshmallow eaters classifying them as Hemoglobic, Rastafarian, Dinoflagellate, Saprophytes. (And no…I didn’t look those up in a dictionary…I proudly dug them out of my own head)

So if your youth group is planning to go sing at the local mall I suggest that you leave your trusty Christmas Carols at home and take several large bags of jumbo marshmallows instead. You could even write scripture verses on the marshmallows before you hand them out. “Have a HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS”…oh and Have a marshmallow…and furthermore, God loves you!”

Folks lets face it….the days of people strolling through the mall with their family and stopping to hear some live carols as they stroll by is nothing but a delicate and ethereal mirage of the past.

First of all, it’s a sedentary fact that families don’t go to the mall together anymore. Now that most 10 year olds have their own cell phone, they can call around and make arrangements to have themselves and their friends magically appear at the mall on any given night. And IF families DO go to the mall…the parents are so busy counting to five for their screaming child that I can never remember if they were going to kill the child or leave him at Sears if they ever made it to five...to be sure they’ll just stick with Santa coming down the chimney instead of going to the mall to see him next year.

No…we would rather have marshmallows...instant gratification…one marshmallow and it feels like you’ve eaten ten. A knot of teens come by and hears you singing…“Silent Night?” You got to be kidding…that sounds scary…noise…loud noise feels safer.

So you just might find me at the local mall with my stove pipe hat, over coat, and cane. I’ll be clicking my heels together, singing, “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” and handing out marshmallows. When people ask why I’m handing out marshmallows, I’ll tell them we’re roasting marshmallows over the open fire this year instead of chestnuts. Hey…they’re cheaper, roast faster, fill you fuller, no shell to crack, and everybody wants’em. We’ve got God in a box…it’s the hap-happiest season of AAALLLL! I hope God shreds your box, and have a happy new year, all for just $49.99!