The Main Thing of the Main Thing.

What do you do if your generation no longer connects with the previous generations? What do you do when the preaching of the Word seems irrelevant to your generation? What do you do when your grandfather’s theopraxy appears inane in your world? If you’re asking yourself these questions I suggest that you go lap some lukewarm eggnog and begin to ask some relevant questions.

(Example of a “RELEVANT” question of un-proportionate import:) What should you do when you can no longer identify with the hymn book of the ages?

Hoping to give birth to generations upon generations of maturity I have decided to exercise my spiritual tenacity in the grassland of the “Zion’s Praises.”

Here is a list of 10 assets that simply set the Zion’s Praises apart from all others as a, not only mediocre, but even great, hymn book.

1. First of all, it contains a whopping 816 numbers. (Beaten by “Faith and Praise” only)
2. The book IS “green” (Seriously, we’ve got to revitalize our fight against global warming)
3. It doesn’t have “I Come to the Garden Alone” in it (C. Austin Miles clearly had no concept of corporal worship or community for that matter)
4. It has a massive “heaven” section. (Nearly 70 songs…makes it a great hymn book to take with you to the nursing home)
5. Durable cover is meant to last.
6. The Topical Index font in the back is so small you get a chance to use that magnifying glass that you’d never use anywhere else.
7. Stands alone as the only hymn book to have a section on the “Holy Kiss”
8. Thank God it doesn’t have any titles that begin with “X” or “Z” (That would really be confusing)
9. It doesn’t have one of those page marking strings that always fray on the end anyway.
10. Most songs are speed applicable. (as long as the sopranos don’t get ahead of those cool base runs)

Note of disclaimer: If you’re still reading this post “seriously”….you better just stick to eggnog after all. This is intended to be humorous. I enjoy singing out of the Zion’s Praises too…most of the time :)