Samaritans and Neighbors???

7^th and 8^th grade Literature assignment: Write a paraphrase of the Good Samaritan story. Like Jesus’ original parable, try to deconstruct some of our cookie-cutter assumptions, prejudices, or cultural categories that are forced on people or people groups.

With my student's permission I have chosen to present to you a few of the best.

A man once asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus answered, “Can I tell you a story?”

There once was a man who loved to gamble. In fact, he won every game, but there was one thing he did in order to win. He cheated! When the players found out that he was cheating, they beat him up and threw him out of the casino, hoping that he would die.

After some time the mayor of the town came by. Seeing the beat up man along the side of the street, he passed by on the other side. He did not want to be seen by the people in the town, helping a straggler.

About ten minutes later a mail man drove by on his way to deliver some late mail. Seeing the guy on the side of the road made him cringe, so he called 911 and drove on by.

After a short time President Obama came driving by in his big shiny escalade, headed for a meeting in Las Vegas. He looked out the window just in time to see the old man. After telling the driver to stop he went over to check on the man. With President Obama and the driver’s help, they managed to get him into the car. After all that was over, they took him to a hospital, where he was carefully bandaged. The President was late for his meeting, but now he knew for sure that the man was in good hands.

After that Jesus said, “Which man was the neighbor?” The man said, “The President.” Then Jesus said, “go and do thou likewise.” -Austin

Once upon a time a lawyer asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus answered him with a story.

Once there was an atheist. He was a bitter man. His wife had died of cancer, so he had cursed God. Then one day he got into a fight with a gang. They started slashing him with their knives. He got a deep cut on his arm, and his hands were bleeding. The leader pulled out a pistol hidden under his shirt and was going to shoot the atheist, but the other gang members protested to killing him. They left, leaving him on the sidewalk beside the street to bleed to death.

Five minutes passed. Then an Eastern Orthodox Jewish Priest came by. He didn’t want to make his new robe bloody. He had paid $1063.54 for his golden robe. After all, a priest has to “stay clean.” The man is an atheist and deserves what he got,” He told himself. He caught a taxi and tried to forget the scene.

Then a young doctor stopped by the bloody man. He had just got out of college, hoping to become rich. He had a First Aid kit with him. He stilled his conscience by saying to himself that he didn’t have enough skill to bandage the atheist's bad wounds. He called the hospital so they could bring an ambulance. Then he hurried off down the street.

An hour went by. The atheist was slowly bleeding to death. A Muslim came driving down the street. He saw the bleeding atheist and knew that he needed help immediately. He also knew that the atheist was a supposedly hated infidel. Nevertheless, he went against his own religion and loaded the man into his old Toyota Camry. He drove to the hospital and let them take care of him. Although he was poor, he promised to pay for the medical expenses.

“Which of these men was a neighbor,” asked Jesus. “The Muslim,” replied the lawyer. “Right,” said Jesus. “Go and do likewise.” -Jonathan

A man once asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus said, “Let me tell you a story.”

Once upon a time there was very poor man. He was about 22 years old. He lived on the streets of Paris, sleeping each night near the subway vents in an attempt to harvest at least a little warmth. His parents were killed by a drug lord and the most terrible gang in town.

This young man whose name was Bill was sitting on a bench in the town's “middle class” area. A French governor was coming up the sidewalk. He was a very respected man in town. When he saw Bill he stopped crossed the street and kept going.

Later, while Bill was sitting beside a Catholic Church, the Pope came walking up the street with a crowd following him. He saw Bill and then turned his head and walked past.

That night as Bill was trying to sleep near a subway vent. He couldn’t sleep because of the hunger pangs in his stomach. Suddenly a very creepy looking man came walking past. Just like that, Bill knew who it was. It was the drug dealer. When the drug dealer saw him he suddenly felt compassion. He never felt that way before, but he decided there must be a first time for everything. He felt in his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills tossing them to Bill. He told Bill to find some warmer clothes and get something to eat. Later he helped Bill find a job, and they decided to both turn over a new leaf.

Jesus said, “witch one was the man’s neighbor?” “The drug dealer,” said the man.

-Matthew

One time a man asked Jesus, “Who really is my neighbor?” Jesus replied, “I want to tell you a story.”

The narrow street was empty. Lush green trees bordered one side and an unkept trailer court extended along the other side. No one was around except for one man. He was lying in front of one of the junkiest trailers. Chairs, boxes, and all kinds of odds and ends surrounded him. The old man had been rooting round in the mess, trying to find something. He had slipped and hit his head on a hard object, knocking him unconscious.

The pastor frowned and jumped across a muddy puddle of water. He was not in favor of walking this dirty, God-forsaken alley to reach his church. He was late, and would miss the music at the start of church. Taking this detour was maddening. Now he saw the old man lying in front of the trailer. He shuddered. He knew he should probably see what the problem was, but he was late for church. He turned his head away and passed by.

The Catholic priest held his black robe up as he carefully avoided the puddles in the street. Out of the corner of he eye saw an old man lying still in front of a dumpy trailer. He did not want to get dirty trying to help the man out, so he hurriedly asked the Holy Mother Mary to watch over the man. He continued on his way to see how the people in his parish were faring.

Along came another man. He was not the kind of person that was a caring one. He occasionally got into drugs, and he always looked bedraggled. When he saw the old man, he immediately went to check on him and then called 911. The old man was taken to the hospital, and a part of his bill was paid by his rescuer.

“Who do you think was the old man’s neighbor?” questioned Jesus. “The last one,” replied the man. Go and do the same,” Jesus finished. -Christianne

Two Things

First Thing:
I joined Laudate Mennonite Ensemble this past summer for a week of making music. Our recording, "Wondrous Love" just came out recently. Check it out here:

Second thing:
A new documentary on our food was just released in November. This documentary called "Food, Inc" is brought to you by Robert Kenner and it will send you to the refrigerator to inspect the labels on your food.

I always take such documentaries with a hefty grain of salt, but if you're American you should probably watch it sometime.

Bonus Thing:
I'm loving Chor Leoni's latest album "Meetin Here Tonight" just released on November 25. Two other great Chor Leoni albums are "Going Home" and "Healing Voices."

A god Named "Resource" and Josh Groban

"Interested in starting a Christian school, but you don't know where to begin? Don't worry! Alpha Omega Publications can help. Because we believe in Christian education, AOP created School in a Box to make starting your Christian school simple, easy, and affordable."


Oh God....HELP us?

And I should add....this is called a "resource."

No, I didn't make that up...I only enlarged the "school in a box" after I pulled it straight off Alpha Omega Publications web sight. It might sound like "To Asia With Love," but its not...get your head out of the sand....there is a reason it only takes our schools a mere 5 years to efficiently turn 1st grade learner excitement into hate mail.

I hate to break it to you, but that teacher with the huge character that your school needs won't even come close to fitting in a box. Maybe I just need to think biggger...real big...like a DUZA BOX!!!

Meanwhile...back at the ranch we are on to more positive things, if you like Josh Groban that is. Josh Groban, who I've always deemed overrated is no longer overrated. After hearing him duet on "In the Arms of the Angel," I give it up....he's good...great range.

Customer Satisfaction vs. Customer Sent Packing

I’m sure you’ve heard someone say it before…. “I feel like I’m just not being fed.”

You say, “Let me guess…you’re talking about church.” No…actually I’m talking about American consumerism IN the church. Since when has the Church of Jesus Christ come to be dictated by consumer tendencies?

Oh that’s right…my bad…Jesus did give us a boat load of parables emphasizing customer satisfaction with the church.

As a gluttonous yet peace loving consumer myself, I do have to present both sides of the story in defense of consumer tendencies. The church has not always responded well to this new found pious consumerism. If the Church is sincere in its attempts at fixing the problem, I don’t understand the “if the customer isn’t satisfied with the menu then they should eat at home” approach. My head spins! “Self feeding” is a ridiculously lame excuse for consumerist christians and churches.

These two categories/approaches don’t seem adequate. How could we think about this tension differently? What category (s) are we missing?

"HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY MARSHMALLOW!"

Image via Wikipedia

Its been a while since I sang at a mall…in fact a whole year! Mennonites invade malls all over America at this time of the year, myself being one of them…just this evening. In this light I have a few thoughts to share with the cosmic intelligence out there, wherever it lies. And if you think you are part of this cosmic intelligence, I’m sorry, but I don’t even classify two legged mammalians in this Phylum. No….two legged homo sapiens are pure marshmallow eaters classifying them as Hemoglobic, Rastafarian, Dinoflagellate, Saprophytes. (And no…I didn’t look those up in a dictionary…I proudly dug them out of my own head)

So if your youth group is planning to go sing at the local mall I suggest that you leave your trusty Christmas Carols at home and take several large bags of jumbo marshmallows instead. You could even write scripture verses on the marshmallows before you hand them out. “Have a HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS”…oh and Have a marshmallow…and furthermore, God loves you!”

Folks lets face it….the days of people strolling through the mall with their family and stopping to hear some live carols as they stroll by is nothing but a delicate and ethereal mirage of the past.

First of all, it’s a sedentary fact that families don’t go to the mall together anymore. Now that most 10 year olds have their own cell phone, they can call around and make arrangements to have themselves and their friends magically appear at the mall on any given night. And IF families DO go to the mall…the parents are so busy counting to five for their screaming child that I can never remember if they were going to kill the child or leave him at Sears if they ever made it to five...to be sure they’ll just stick with Santa coming down the chimney instead of going to the mall to see him next year.

No…we would rather have marshmallows...instant gratification…one marshmallow and it feels like you’ve eaten ten. A knot of teens come by and hears you singing…“Silent Night?” You got to be kidding…that sounds scary…noise…loud noise feels safer.

So you just might find me at the local mall with my stove pipe hat, over coat, and cane. I’ll be clicking my heels together, singing, “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” and handing out marshmallows. When people ask why I’m handing out marshmallows, I’ll tell them we’re roasting marshmallows over the open fire this year instead of chestnuts. Hey…they’re cheaper, roast faster, fill you fuller, no shell to crack, and everybody wants’em. We’ve got God in a box…it’s the hap-happiest season of AAALLLL! I hope God shreds your box, and have a happy new year, all for just $49.99!

Science Project: Drivers start your engines...

Welcome to the Indiantrappolis 500 folks! Here you will find that we have replaced our thunderous Monte Carlos with finesse mouse trap powered vehicles of the most intricate design. As a Jr High teacher I recently hosted a competition among the students involving mouse trap powered vehicles. The students worked in teams competing to send a mouse trap powered vehicle the greatest distance. To add spice and flamboyancy to the competition, I chose to allow a certain level of cheating...I allowed the teams to harness elasticity power as long as the power remained sourced in the mouse trap.


Behold the winner! This fine piece of work was smashing into the end of our longest hallway at a pretty dangerous clip.


















Not to be scoffed at, much of the competition had their own qualities to boast of, as each of their teams would be quick to tell you.