In preparation for teaching Sunday School....
"How (gasping for air)in tIhe %^@#@ (gasping for air) can you run marathons (gasping for air) in pants?"
Thought: Its good you're wearing shorts because I'm going to die trying to beat the pants OFF of you"
"Common'...these guys can't beat us"
Thought: "Gimme that ball"
"I doubt she really likes you"
Thought: "Well HANG her...I definitely don't NEED girls"
"Good try...don't worry about it...maybe you're just not a...seamstress"
Thought: "Shut up...I'm not interested in reproducing good try's...I'm interested in actually pulling this off"
1:00 AM
Thought: "Who gives a rip...I'm staying awake at all costs till I'm ready for class tomorrow..."
Several years ago I was having a conversation with a fellow runner. She was asking me if I had entered the 5k race in a nearby city. I told her I hadn't because I hadn't trained enough and was embarrassed to not be one of the front runners. She got a sad look in her eyes and simply said, "awww....you must have soooo much fear in your life...." She went on to ask if I would run a race...purposefully finishing in the middle of the pack. This may be some of the wisest advice I have ever received, and it was the beginning of a grueling journey.
Somehow I believed at a young age that I was going to have to prove a lot of people wrong...I promptly spent a lot of time trying to do just that. I was always small for my age and I had big brothers. I grew up trying to beat all odds with people that were ALWAYS bigger, better, and stronger than myself. Everything I did was done with the underdog mentality. I didn't realize that in teenagers the underdog mentality can come across as over confidence and arrogance. I never realized that this approach could make people ask, "Who do you think you are?" I never knew these things because I was blinded by fear.
I ended up running the 5k, purposefully finishing in the middle of the pack...It was one of the hardest things I ever did. I suddenly realized how much I was afraid of the people I thought I controlled. The thought of the crowd thinking I was that slow...it was almost unbearable. That was the beginning of allowing Jesus to recover my soul. He still has a motherload of work to do, but some things have changed.
These days I like to relax, drink coffee and watch the sun go down, while some other guy is out there training to beat the pants off me in the next marathon. I like to go to bed when I'm tired, knowing that some other teacher is out there preparing a better class than mine. I like to play volleyball even when I'm rusty and can't pass or serve worth a hoot. It is incredibly freeing to know that Jesus loves you and me...and I don't even have to get all up in a wad trying to prove it.
The next time I want to label a person as "Whodoyouthinkyouare," I remember that they are probably very fearful and not as arrogant as I think. In fact they might think they aren't as good as me, and that is why they are fighting so hard. We are known as we know.
